Home for the Holiday

I was on a plane for Thanksgiving and about to give my own special thanks because it was almost totally empty. I settled into my row of three empty seats and prepared to enjoy what has become a rarity: comfort in air travel.

But my approaching tranquility crashed to earth on takeoff; when a baby began screaming. I sighed and slowly turned around, only to confront a sight almost too horrid to recount.

The mother sat just there, reading in the full entitlement of her beaming parenthood. The father stretched out across the aisle on empty seats snoozing. He, too, apparently felt he was entitled to ignore the disruption for which he was directly responsible. Their married, familial bliss surrounded them like noblesse oblige. They settled in with stunning indifference to the rude cacophony their spawn spewed that was ruining the trip for everyone else. The entitlement of it all, I thought. Just another case of “Let’s do it for the children,” run amok.

So no one on the flight dared mention to the proud and irresponsible parents that it is their responsibility to deal with their screaming children. If the flight personnel spoke to them it would probably provoke a class-action suit. No instead, for three-plus glorious hours we were forced to suffer the screaming in silent acceptance. And watch the parents simply do nothing. Nothing at all.

Thus, I had ample time to reflect on the whole fracas about gay marriage. The majority of Americans, it seems, of liberal or conservative bent, frown on the idea, while supporting equal rights for gays (as do I). But marriage is something special, claim those for whom this is hot button issue, it’s something sacred.

Personally, I don’t care either way. But as a matter of social import, I fail to see why marriage is, or should be, special at all. If you want to tie the knot, make some sacred promises, hug a tree together and light incense in the moonlight, that’s fine. It’s your business, not mine and not society’s.

Parenting, however, is different. Parenting obviously impacts the smooth functioning of our society…and horrid plane rides is the least of it.

In fact, rather than focusing on marriage, I would rather the present “marriage” debate focused on parenting.

Let’s have a new “parent’s license.” And let’s make it carry responsibilities, just the way a driver’s license does. If you sit by while your spawn disturb the peace, you should get a point, or maybe even two, on that license. And if you get too many points they should send you to parenting school, just like they send you to driving school when you get too many speeding tickets. And if your kids really screw up, well, let the burden fall first on you, then on society, and taxpayers, as a whole.

And, while we are at it, let’s tighten up the loopholes that dump child rearing and support on single mothers and single fathers, too (thought that is far rarer). You have kids; they are your responsibility forever (well, at least until they hit their majority). Folks who dodge these responsibilities (be they straight or gay parents) should be the focus of serious criminal and civil penalties…and enforcement efforts.

Give all the thanks you want for your blessed events this Thanksgiving. But don’t foist their bad behavior on me. They are your blessings, not mine.

The Massachusetts’ Supreme Court went off in the wrong direction all right. They went off about gay marriage, when it’s irresponsible parents, most of whom are heterosexuals, who are ruining society. It is, after all, their children who become teen thugs, single teen mothers, youthful drug addicts and offenders of all kinds. Let’s think more about punishing the real marriage offenders: Parents who do not control their children.

And in the spirit of the Thanksgiving holiday, a big thanks to all those marrieds who keep their children in check, raise them right and keep them out of my (and society’s) hair. Or at least know their limitations and chose childlessness, straight or gay couples, it makes no difference to me.

I just want to be able to spend a quiet three hours on a plane in peace.
¶ 1:00 PM