Loving the Bomb for Fun and Mushrooming Profit

As America continues to fulfill its manifest destiny, today brings another typically gloomy New York Times piece, courtesy William J. Broad.

He begins by alerting us to the DOD’s interest in developing small, low-yield nukes to bust bunkers—suggesting that somehow, this months-old interest was quietly snuck past an indifferent U.S. public. The nut graph shows the spin as clearly as a mushroom cloud against a dawn sky, “ ‘With an effective earth penetrator, many buried targets could be attacked,’ the administration said in its Nuclear Posture Review, which it sent to Congress last year.
“Welcome to the second nuclear age and the Bush administration's quiet responses to the age's perceived dangers.”

Who was unaware of reporting, even as we “shocked and awed” Iraqi’s with our 2000-pounders, that we needed something tougher to crack their European-designed bunkers?

Let’s face it: The nuclear genie is out anyway, and we all know it. Pakistan and India are there; North Korea and even the nuke-averse Japanese are champing at the bit. Israel, however on the down-low it may be, is probably in the top 4. Soon everyone will be partying the night away past the velvet ropes of the big-bang club.

For a laugh about the value of international diplomacy on this subject, check out the signatories of the Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. Might as well call it the list of those who want them, if they don’t already gottem.

But it’s not all bad, bucko, so cheer up! The inevitable future use of nuclear weapons by or against us won’t necessarily spell total disaster.

However, you’ll have to step up to the plate and take responsibility for your own “homeland defense.” It’s not enough to settle for duck tape and plastic sheets, though. That’s so down-market anyway. You’ll be glad to know that fortunately, for all of us and for the economy in general, ever-resourceful Americans are already seeing the financial potential in a world that’s going nuclear.

Home building has been the bedrock of this economy. Now, thanks to the DOD’s interest in a new generation of nukes, there are countless new, exciting opportunities to create real added value to your home. And entrepreneurs are all over it.

One can only hope that Martha Stewart will get involved, the better to bring a little class to the regrettably “survivalist/trailer” sensibility of what’s available now. I like the practical, utilitarian look—up to a point. But the marketplace is all about choice and I look forward to a designer boom in alternative looks for that must-have home improvement. That’s right. The growth industry is no longer putting pools into folks’ back yards. In a blast of fresh air blended with a surefire return to nostalgia: Say hello to your brand new Fallout shelter.

Even in those markets where everyone rents, like New York, there are plenty of trendy accessorizing opportunities to let everyone know you’re an aficionuko. Plus, it fairly screams, “I buy the latest gadget.” Photo cell phones are so yesterday compared to a radiation monitor.

Besides helping the economy to mushroom by taking that second mortgage out to put up (down?) that shelter or pick up a monitor, you can also download key info onto the PDA or laptop by visiting the Web. Try stashing invaluable locations of prime U.S. targets to help you plan that perfect quick egress from town.

And never fear. Should you be one of those lazy-bones who puts it all off to the last minute, even with out any advance preparations, you can still make it (at least if you’re at the country house; in town it won’t really matter one way or the other, will it?) You can quickly slap together some protection, if you just follow the suggestions for hiding under a pile of books, furniture, dirt, etc. in the corner of your basement, as cheerfully outlined by the pros.

And for the luxury real estate market, after the stables, pools and tennis courts, there are always the ultimate shelters to consider. No one does it better than the U.S. government, when it comes to the best in underground accommodations. Consider what was built for senators , just in cast that declaration of war turned bad on them.

Beyond the public’s obvious interest in seeing a return to the shelter-building boom of the 1950s, there’s also the obvious stimulus to the economy that a new round of nuclear weapon building would bring about. Why else would there be so much interest in it?

True, a House appropriations subcommittee trimmed Bush’s 2004 budget request for these new arms. They cited “organizational disarray,” according to the Times’ well-connected Broad, “among the nation's bomb makers,” and said OKing the deal would be "premature." In non-pol speak that means they haven’t heard how the pie will be cut up yet.

Soon they will. Later this week, 150 folks meet at an Offut AFB shindig hosted by Strategic Command. They represent the government weapons labs, DOD, DOE, State, and the White House. So be on the lookout for bipartisan support of this new massively expensive weapons program soon.

All this will lead, surely, to an economic boom just in time for the 2004 elections. Reminds me of the phrase "military-industrial complex" coined by Ike in his farewell address.

He was the last General we had as President and is a guy who looks better and better in hindsight. Of course, the old soldier knew well the military-money minuet. He chose his farewell to fire a final round across the the bow of the ship of state; the better to draw our attention to the matter.

And he was not serving up his "complex" idea as a recipe either for economic or national security success. He was sending us a warning.
¶ 12:24 PM